What Would You Do?

The thing I wanted most my entire life was to be a mom. In seventh grade I flirted with the idea of being an architect and in high school I thought of being an obstetrician or a pediatrician. I was admitted to University as a Biological Sciences Major but from the beginning knew that career wouldn't work with my future life as a stay-at-home mom to eight children. I don't have eight children, I have two... for now. I changed my major to Psychology thinking it would better prepare me to be a full-time mom.

After graduation I worked as a legal and medical interpreter but to me it was just a transition job, nothing permanent, just something to hold me over until my kids were born. While I worked I took Child Development classes to further ready myself to be a great mom and learned not only how children develop, but also how children learn -- in preparation for homeschooling my six children. Of course I wanted to homeschool them!

My daughter was born in 2007 and almost a year later my son in 2008. It was a great start to my brood of six and the "homeschooling" began right away. My husband and I took a sign language class and he forgot all of it in about three seconds, but I used it with my children every day. I set up a little schedule  and did activities preschools do; circle time, music time, free play, reading, art time, and so on.

When my friends started talking about preschool I announced my plan to homeschool with confidence and despite some horrified looks, smiled with excitement.

Then last year, about a week after my daughter's third birthday she announced "I want to go to school. By my self. Without you or my brother... and I'm going to go in the school bus." Period, end of story, there wasn't a single question mark in there. Something strange and unfamiliar happened to me then, I was speechless. Once I was able to pick my jaw off the floor I smiled and said "Oh, do you want to play school right now?" She looked at me with her beautiful almond eyes, held my gaze for a few seconds and turned around to play. Without a single word.

Every day for the next three months she restated her plans, "I'm going to go to school without you and without my brother and I'm going to go in the yellow school bus." She said it so often and with such confidence I wondered if she had snuck out at night to watch my DVRd Oprah show about vision boards. At first I laughed it off and told my husband it wasn't happening. She was too little. What was the point of going to preschool when she had me at home all day, teaching her stuff? What if something happened to her? Then I started to get a little annoyed about her messing up my plans, and that's when I noticed it had become a power struggle and I realized that in trying to do what I thought was best for her I could actually be stifling her independence and sense of self. She clearly wanted some space from her little brother and me.

So I signed her up for preschool and a week later as we prepared for her first day I secretly cried all day long. I cried and cried and cried but without her seeing me so as not to frighten her or make her feel bad for her desire to be more independent. I had let go of the plan to skip preschool and realized what I thought was best maybe wasn't and I had to trust her in the process of parenting too. But I was not ready to let her go -- it was too soon! But with the support and presence of my husband, mom, and sister, I took her little hand and walked her into her first classroom and after a brief kiss she was off.

Camila loves preschool and twice a week my son, who never lacks a craving for my attention, gets me all to himself. I get to experience the light feeling of having only one child to carry, play with and entertain. And I've come to love that special one-on-one time with my son so much I'd like to experience it with my daughter too...

So my son just turned three and I started talking to him about going to school. Six months ago he wanted to go, said he was ready. Now, nothing. I remind him of all the toys in his sister's class and mention all the projects she brought home. I ask Camila to share with him how fun it is to play with a bunch of friends in the playground and to sing with the teachers. We talk about how nice the teachers are and how well they take care of all the kids... but of course, he doesn't want to go to school. "I don't want to go to school... I want to go to school with you mommy." Of course.

Mateo just started swimming without me and does great with the teachers. He has a fun time and is all smiles during class. So my plan was to send Camila to school Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and to send Mateo Tuesdays and Thursdays. That way they each get special time with me -- a rarity for siblings 11 months apart.

What would you do, would you, in the interest of giving his sister some personal attention, send him to preschool despite his opposition to going?

No More Tangles!

I want to share this great find with you all...

I've always used California Baby Shampoo & Bodywash for my kids because I feel good about using products that are natural and organic. But as my daughter's hair has grown out from a pixie cut to just below the shoulder, I've encountered more tangles and knots than a boyscout could get out of.

I tried using the California Baby Conditioner but it wasn't um... cutting it -- her hair was still in tangles after her shower and there were a lot of tears shed. She was in pain and I was frustrated and threatened to cut her hair short again if she kept crying every single day while I slowly and as gently as possible brushed her hair (I know, mean mommy... but I was brushing her hair so gently and slowly!)

Anyway, a few months ago I came upon Earth's Best Tangle Taming Shampoo & Conditioner while shopping at Babies R Us. When my kids were babies I gave them Earth's Best baby food, so I already trusted the brand. Then I smelled the shampoo and after inhaling the sweet, delicious smell of fruit punch, I was sold!

I've been in love with this shampoo and conditioner combination from day one. My daughter loves the way it smells and I love, love, love the fact that I can brush her hair easily after a shower! I started using it on my son's hair too just because he wanted to smell like fruit gummies and found that his curly hair is much shinier and feels softer than it did when I was using California Baby.

I'd thought of cutting my hair to match my daughter's and dissuade her from growing it out any longer, but now I say "grow baby, grow!"

The bottle says "Say goodbye to tangles and tears. Say hello to soft, smooth hair," and surprisingly, it's true!

Product link:
http://www.earthsbest.com/products/product/7852200751

Before You Elbow Your Husband...

My son woke up screaming bloody murder three nights ago. Though it has become a rarity, (thank heavens) it's not insanely uncommon for this to happen. Mateo, our youngest child didn't sleep through the night until he was over one and a half-years-old. And he has never been one to whimper -- when he wakes up he makes sure everyone within a one mile radius wakes up with him. And even though he's three now, I still wake up with my heart pounding, wondering who just got stabbed.

In the fifteen years my husband and I have been together nothing has perplexed me more about him than how he is able to go on sleeping, not even flinching, when our children wake up crying like that. At times I've turned on a light and stared at him to let him know I know he's faking it, to no avail. He just keeps on sleeping as peacefully as when we had no children. At times, when one or both of the kids have woken up three or four nights in a row, I have actually elbowed my sleeping husband but he's one of those people blessed with the ability to fall right back asleep even after having just been elbowed by a resentful, exhausted wife.

But I recently learned something -- it turns out women are biologically hard-wired to hear a child's cry. It's actually the sound most likely to wake a woman regardless of whether or not she has children. Duh, right? (Actually, I would've never considered what sounds are most likely to wake women versus men, but once I read the article it made perfect sense). 

What's the sound most likely to wake a man? The sound of a car alarm. I guess that makes sense because to a lot of men their car is their baby (I actually knew a grown man who called his car his "my baby"). The sound of a child wailing isn't even in the top ten sounds most likely to wake a man. The wind howling is more likely to wake them!

So the next time my son wakes up screaming like a banshee, I'll remember these scientific findings... or maybe I'll start blowing really loudly in my husband's ear to see if he wakes up. Now if he has the pillow over his head, the top ten list of sounds goes out the window and my elbow will in fact be aiming for his ribs.


Do you want to see the list of top ten sounds that wake women and men? Visit:
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/08/why-mom-wakes-up-when-baby-cries/

A Beautiful Book

Mateo, my three-year-old son is very attached to me. It wasn't until this year that he started letting people other than me do things like carry him, dress him, help him eat, hold him in the pool... And by other people I mean his dad and extended family like grandma and auntie whom he sees regularly.
Even now he likes to follow me pretty much everywhere and will even wait outside the shower for me sometimes rather than be without me a few minutes. With his third birthday upon us I worried about him transferring from the mommy-and-me swim class to the independent swimming class like his older (much more independent) sister. So I found this book, The Kissing Hand, by Audry Penn, and bought it as a birthday gift for him.

On the night of his birthday we read the book before bedtime. Camila, my four-year-old, and Mateo, loved, loved, loved the illustrations and I did too -- they're beautifully detailed. My kids loved this story about a little raccoon named Chester who is afraid to to go school and be without his mom. Chester shares his fears with his mom and she soothes them away with a kiss on his hand. Both Camila and Mateo kept asking me to kiss their little hands like Chester's mom kisses his. (Who doesn't love a book that gets their kids to ask for more kisses?)

To my surprise, the story also helped soothe away my fears about letting my little guy venture out a little without me as he becomes an independent swimmer (happy to say he is having a blast swimming on his own with the swim coaches) and a preschooler later this year.

I highly recommend this beautifully illustrated, heart-felt story to mommies of young children who are starting to venture out into the world without them for the first time.

If you read to your children in Spanish like I do, you'll be happy to know Penn's book is available in Spanish under the title Un beso en mi mano. Your children will love it and you will too!

How I Got My Kids to Eat

My children are only 11 months apart. Yes, 11 months apart. I had a baby when I had a baby. Even though my daughter started walking at 10 months, she still needed to be carried up and down the stairs and still wanted to be held during the day. My son woke up every hour and a half to nurse for about three weeks and then slowed down to every two hours until he was five months-old. And when they were 1 and 2-years-old they played tag with some illness or another for 4 months straight. It was tough and I sometimes felt like crying and just crumbling to the ground from exhaustion. But the hardest part of being a mom for me is... cooking. Ugh!

You can imagine my frustration when my children refused to eat the foods I painstakingly made and served them -- beautifully served and cut up. 

Now, my husband and I are small and don't believe a chubby baby is necessarily a healthier baby, but my daughter was three-years-old and fluctuated between 18 and 20 pounds, while my son was two-years old and weighted all of 18 pounds! 

I would make eating a game, distract them with toys, music, sometimes even a movie. I would get upset 5 times a day -- breakfast, lunch, dinner and two snacks. And sometimes I would literally stand in my kitchen and cry silently. 

And then... I changed everything! 

First I faked complete and utter lack of interest in whether or not they ate...

Have you ever noticed that we tell our kids what to do all day every day? "Time to get up... time to get dressed... here's what you'll wear... look over there... play with this toy... don't touch that... put it back... come here... time to eat... say hello... wave bye-bye... time to shower... time to nap..." All day. Can you imagine what that must feel like? I would want to scream! Kids, especially very young kids, have very little control over their lives. The only things they can decide are; when to go bathroom, when to fall asleep, and how much and if they'll eat. Yes, that's why across the entire world, getting their children to eat is an issue for moms. It's a power struggle. Especially, especially, when they see us fret and worry and pull all sorts of antics to get them to eat. "Hmm," they think, "I think I've got something here. I have some power after all!" 

So that's what led me to change my M.O. 

My daughter: "I'm not going to eat the chicken mommy."

Old me: "Chicken is good for you, it makes you strong. Have some, just a little bit."

New me: "Okay."

Result: My daughter (and my son) started eating the chicken (or any other food they declared inedible)!

After just a few bites...

My son: "I don't want anymore. No more."

Old me: "Two more bites, just two," as I tried to shove the food in his mouth.

New me: "You're satisfied? Okay."

Result: My son, staring in disbelief, "Maybe I'll have just a little more."

New me: "Okay."

I must warn you, it's really hard to keep your smile tightly tucked away when you see them eating, so prepare yourself. 

I stopped offering them three different meals in one sitting...

If my kids declare they won't eat something because they "don't like it" or say they are done after just a few bites, my response is "Okay. Once you get up from the table mealtime is over." And it really is over. I stopped following them around with food and stopped leaving their plate on the table in hopes they would eat a little more. They got the message after about three times -- once they are up from their seats, mealtime is over until the next meal. We eat sitting down and all at the same time even if we're at a park or at a party. 

The only exception to this is when I make a new dish. I always have a tried and true back-up plan ready. I encourage them to try new dishes but I don't force them. 

I make them feel powerful...

If my kids are eating well and I see that they have just a few more bites and are starting to lose interest, I ask "Are you satisfied?" They always, always look at me with some surprise and say "Yes. I'm all done. I don't want any more mommy." And so they feel they're in control. They feel powerful! 

I serve all food together and let them choose what to eat first...

If I say to my kids "If you eat your chicken I will give you fruit/a cookie/a piece of cake," I'm making those foods more valuable than the chicken and suddenly, in their mind, they have to eat the gross food to get the good food. So I serve it all together and if I don't want them to eat a piece of cake before the nutritious food, then I don't give them a piece of cake at all... or I play the Oh-I-forgot-all-about-the-cake! game and surprise them with a piece. I only do this if they've eaten all the nutritious food and only once in a while so they don't catch on. I don't reward my children with food or for eating. 

I accepted responsibility and gave them responsibility...

My job as a mom is to make tasty, nutritious food for my children, 3-5 times a day. I decide what to cook and when to serve it to them. Their responsibility is to decide if they'll eat and how much. 

If I try to take on their responsibility or they mine, we enter a power struggle. 

The more I let them say "no," the more they say "yes". 

Seriously.

I learned that it's okay to lose...

Sometimes my kids don't eat the chicken, or maybe the broccoli or the fruit I serve them. I'm okay with that now. I want them to like food and not feel as if eating is a chore. I also know that I serve them a balanced diet of protein, fruit, vegetables, dairy, fat, and grains throughout the day and the week so in the end they're getting what they need. 

I know kids have thousands more taste buds than adults so for them flavors explode in their mouths and it can take up to 21 attempts for a child to like a new food. We read Dr.Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham regularly and it helps them understand that it's okay and sometimes beneficial to try new foods. 

I'm happy to say that my daughter, now 4-years-old, weighs 30 lbs., and my three-year-old son weighs 28 lbs. They're still thin, but they're strong, active, happy children who feel safe and powerful enough to say what they like to eat and what they don't like to eat, when they want more food and when they are satisfied. 

On more than one occasion my daughter's preschool teachers mentioned how astonished they were that she is the only child in the entire class to turn down foods like cupcakes or to leave them unfinished. I know it's because in her mind all foods have the same value, so if she's done she's done regardless of what is being offered. And that's what makes it worthwhile to be in the place I least like in the house -- the kitchen. 

(Stay tuned to find out how much a child actually needs to eat.)

Crazy Chicken Makes for Yummy Lunch!

My kids and I just finished having a delicious meal from El Pollo Loco. I love this place! Some consider it fast food because they get it to you quickly, but it doesn't copare to the grease-laden, high sodium meals you find at McDonalds, Burger King or KFC. The chicken is grilled to perfection and if you're like me and prefer for your kids to eat really healthy, you can take the skin off and it will still taste delicious. 

The chicken is served fresh and comes right off the bone and onto your tortilla so you can make delicious tacos --- yummy!

We go to this place at least once a week and I love that every single location I've ever visited has a drive-through window. That's a huge plus for a mom with two toddlers and for any other mom who doesn't want to unload everyone and load them back up into the car just because she doesn't feel like cooking dinner.

Some people think this place must serve unhealthy food because it's so cheap, (I spend about $10 on a meal for the three of us) but it's stuff I would serve at home; chicken, tortillas (you choose flour or corn), and side dishes that include pinto beans, rice, corn on the cob, garden salad (try the creamy cilantro dressing, it's to die for!), steamed veggies, and sweet corn cake. Okay, the sweet corn cake is not exactly guilt-free, but it's so tasty!

One word of caution: make sure you visit what I call a "legit" Pollo Loco, some are now trying to save on something (I'm not sure if it's time or money), by first baking their chicken and then putting it on the grill. This makes the chicken dry and taste nothing like the real thing. Just call ahead to ask which method they use.

Check out their menu and find a location near you: http://www.elpolloloco.com/default.aspx.

Buen provecho!

Winnie the Pooh

My kids and I love to go to the movies, so I took them to see the new Winnie the Pooh film. We love reading Winnie the Pooh books but had never seen a Pooh movie, so we were excited to see Pooh and his friends in action. We arrived early to get good seats, and settled in.

To my surprise, there were only about 18 kids in the theater; 10 kids under 7 years of age, 7 teenagers sitting in a group and one 9-year-old boy.

My kids really loved the short film before the main feature and I had fun watching too, but, once the Pooh film began, they didn't seem as engaged or interested. My kids have gone to see quite a few films like "Toy Story 3", "Tangled", and even the documentary "Babies" - where there were no speaking parts, and they really seemed more intrigued by those films than by the Pooh movie.

Pooh's play on words used by the characters and the way words were shown as part of a book on the screen were adorable. My kids however didn't seem to get the movie or the storyline. They didn't laugh a single time and they weren't the only ones.

The only people I heard laughing at all the right moments were the 9-year-old boy and his mom. I could hear the boy repeating the jokes and laughing at what the characters were doing. I heard some parents laugh a few times and I laughed a few times too.

The movie was really slow and I actually felt sleepy for the first time in my life while in a movie theater! Rotten Tomatoes gave the film a 90% but I think young children would give it a much lower score.

Despite its slow pace, Pooh was a really cute movie but not for toddlers. I think kids between 8 and 12 would probably really like the it and be able to pick up on silly misspellings and on the message being conveyed. If, like me, your children are on the younger end of the spectrum, I'd save my money for another movie theater experience.

Staying Afloat

In yesterday's blog I shared some statistics about drownings. They are scary facts but drownings are not inevitable. There are many things we can do to prevent such a tragedy...

• The most important thing we can do is be in the pool with our children. If it's a kiddie pool then we can be within arm's reach in case they slip or lose their balance.

• I've seen parents put arm floats or vests on their young kids and let them swim alone while they watch from outside the pool. I just want to say that these are not meant to keep your kids safe. They are toys.

• A lot of these devices actually create a hazardous situation where children are unable to turn face-up or to move their arms to save themselves. Many are easy to remove by pulling on velcro, or slide off those little arms.

• A child who always gets in the pool with any kind of floating device doesn't know that if they don't have that on they can sink and drown. I prefer never to use these, but if you love them, be sure to always bring them into the pool without them and take them off a few minutes before they get out. That way they understand that they should never get in the pool by themselves. 
• If most children who drown are in the company of one or both parents at the time they drown it means there are probably distractions present. Bring a phone to the pool with you to dial 911 in case of an emergency... not to check e-mail, chat with friends or surf the web. 

• Also, designate a person to watch the children in the pool. Many times, when there are a lot of adults present, each thinks someone else is watching the kids. 

• Enrolling children in swimming lessons will teach them not only how to swim, but also how to get out of the pool in case they fall in, how to float face-up, and that they should never ever get in the pool without an adult. 

• Most children drown in residential pools, were last seen in the home, and had been out of sight less than 5 minutes. A four-foot, four-sided fence with a self-latching mechanism can prevent children from wandering into an unsupervised pool. 

• A child can drown in as little as 2 inches of water. Keeping plastic and inflatable pools empty and turned upside down when not in use can prevent an accident. 

• My husband and I took a CPR class before our eldest was born and just renewed our certification this year -- we want to be prepared in case of an emergency. You can find classes through your local chapter of the American Red Cross; http://xrl.us/bk2gy4. 

Taking these precautions gives us peace of mind and allows us to enjoy the laughter and joy children express when they are swimming in the sun! Have fun! 

Did you know?

It's summer, it's hot, it's time to cool off in that pool or maybe take a nice trip to the beach. But did you know...

• Every day 2 children under the age of 14 drown. EVERY DAY. That's a scary and very real number. 

         (Others nearly drown and are left with damage that can leave them with life-long disabilities).

• According to Almaden Valley Athletic Club Swim School, 70% of children who drown are accompanied by one or both parents at the time they drown. 

• Among children ages 1 to 4 years, most drownings occur in residential swimming pools. Most young children who drowned in pools were last seen in the home, had been out of sight less than 5 minutes, and were in the care of one or both parents at the time. (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).

Stay tuned --- tomorrow I will share tips on keeping our kids safe in the water. 

Tight Ride!

My husband and I recently embarked on our first airplane trip with our two toddlers. Very exciting!

My daily stroller is a double-wide which I'm very happy with, but my husband realized it might be hard to get through heavy airport traffic and tourist-filled streets. I've never been interested in owning an umbrella stroller because they seem so flimsy and uncomfortable for both the parent pushing and the child sitting in it. But my husband insisted and I realized he was right. So the search for an umbrella stroller was on.

Many friends have high-end "umbrella strollers" but I knew these were going to be a one-time-use deal. So I wanted something... cheap.

After much searching I found the Cosco Deluxe Comfort Ride Stroller. Here is what I loved:

• It was the only umbrella stroller I found that had a canopy that was actually sturdy and large enough to  protect the kids from the sun.

• It has a reclining position which gave my kids about 3 inches to lean back when they were too tired. At times they sat in the stroller for over an hour and never complained about being uncomfortable. The foot-rest definitely made the the ride more comfortable for them as well.

• I'm a typical mom in that I like to carry the just-in-case stuff; sanitizing hand wipes, water, change of clothes, light sweater and hats. All of this stuff and more fit inside the hanging baskets in these strollers! (Pretty surprising for an umbrella stroller).

• I didn't think the mesh bag hanging from the handles would really hold a water bottle without flipping over but it does, which was nice because it was hot, hot, hot!

• The stroller weighs just under 10 lbs. which is a bit heavy for an umbrella stroller, but I found it really easy to pop open, close and secure.

• The Cosco met our needs -- we were able to get through tight spaces even though the wheels don't maneuver very smoothly.

Is there anything I didn't like? Yes. As I expected, the stroller is uncomfortable for the person pushing it. My husband and I are small - 5'5'' but our backs hurt from leaning over to hold the low and narrow handle bar.  Our vacation was a family trip and all seven adults tried to convince the others to take over the pushing. The only ones who got off easy were my very tall, broad brother and his very tall girlfriend -- it was just too comical to see them hunched over like that!

All in all, I would buy them again. We spent $50 ($25 on each stroller) and were able to zip around slow-walking people, saved ourselves a lot of struggling to maneuver between small entryways and walkways, and felt satisfied that the kids were comfortable.

Product link: (Amazon carries this stroller for $39.99 but we got it at WalMart for $25).
http://www.amazon.com/Cosco-Deluxe-Comfort-Ride-Zambia/dp/B004EWGDHY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1310970975&sr=8-1

Kiss My Face!

Summer is here (okay, it'll be back next week) and many of my friends have been looking for the best sunscreen to protect their little ones. Look no further, I've found the best face sunscreen. "Kiss My Face" sunblock stick is awesome!

My kids have super sensitive skin and have had allergic reactions to most sunscreens, even one prescribed by their dermatologist. I blame the chemicals in those popular sunscreens for uncomfortable rashes.

With ingredients like beeswax, Shea butter and cucumber, I feel confident that I'm not covering my kids' faces with a bunch of chemicals. It provides UVB and UVA protection, has an SPF of 30 and, (ready?) one of my favorite things... it goes on completely clear! You don't have to rub or spread! It goes on clear and stays clear so your little one won't look like a ghost on the playground.

My kids love the way it smells and it slides on so easily they say it feels like I'm coloring them with a crayon. I love that it doesn't run into their eyes even when we go swimming, and that I can put it on their lips as well.

We've been using this sunscreen for a year, at parks in 80 degree weather and in swimming pools, and my kids have never had a sunburn or even gotten a tan!

I carry one in my purse, one in my car and the in kids' lunch box. Love, love, love this product!

Product link: http://www.kissmyface.com/product/grid/45/453