Celebrate!

Camila and Mateo have been in swimming lessons for about three years now. We started in the mommy-and-me program and now they're both swimming independently with their coaches. Each time they complete a level they receive a ribbon reflecting their swimming abilities; tadpole, fish, jelly fish. These meant nothing to me or to my kids when they were tiny, but now that my daughter is four-years-old and my son is three-years-old, the ribbons have come to have some significance for them.

Today my daughter advanced a level and received her ribbon. When I met her in the shower she had a gleaming smile on her face and was holding her ribbon up for me to see. I hooted and let out some "woo-hoo's!" I had the camera ready and snapped away. When Mateo finished his class he met us in the shower area and squealed loudly and with glee upon seeing his sister's accomplishment. I gave Camila some high-fives and Mateo started screaming "You look beautiful sister! You look beautiful!" We were in a celebratory mood.

I turned, still smiling, and met some very disapproving eyes. Apparently some of the other parents thought our much-a-do about a ribbon was inappropriate or in bad taste. The same thing happened last week when Mateo advanced a level -- the hooting, squealing, and the disapproving eyes...

For me it's really important to teach my children to be grateful. Every day we list people and things for which we are grateful. Today they gave thanks for daddy, clean water, each other, our friends, for all of their toys, and for me. And I believe celebrating falls right in like with being grateful.

So we celebrate the usual things; birthdays, Christmas, the 4th of July, Thanksgiving. But we also celebrate small victories like cavity-free dental exams and yes, ribbons. I think it teaches them to enjoy life and builds their self-esteem through important, personal achievements. It also helps them celebrate each other, bringing them closer together.

My children didn't notice the dirty looks we (I) got and I'm glad. They were too immersed in their joyful celebration. We went to lunch with daddy to celebrate, and when Mateo asked Camila "Sister, do you feel very good about yourself?" and she answered "Of course, I feel very good about myself brother because now I'm an octopus!", I felt pride swelling in my heart, not for the ribbon, but for the two amazing people I have the honor to parent.

And it's true, now we've got two octopuses in our family. That's two healthy little people who can listen, follow directions, hold their breath, stay in position, receive correction and criticism and get themselves out of the pool if they ever fall in. And that is much to celebrate about my friends. Woohoo!

Sometimes the Best Thing to Do Is Nothing

Tuesday was a rough day. It was the third day Camila woke up on the left side of the bed, with the wrong foot, upside down and backwards. Everything was wrong; she didn't want daddy to dress her but me. She cried when I put on her t-shirt "I don't want short sleeves, I want a long sleeves!" She cried some more when I told her she could change. She put on a long-sleeved shirt and pushed the sleeves all the way up to her biceps. The fork was the wrong color. The plate was the wrong material, her seat belt didn't feel right... 


I took her and her brother to a local theme park for a change of scenery and some fun... I thought. But Camila was still in a bad mood. She didn't want to get on the rides, pet the animals, wait in line, or let anyone else have fun. I kept my cool for about three hours. Then... it's so hard to stay calm and not lose my patience when I have four consecutive days like this! 


But the other day I read this quote by Tony Humphries; "They're not trying to make life difficult for you, they are only trying to show you how difficult it is for them." ‎I kept reminding myself of this all day. It's not about me, it's about them. 




But... "something must be wrong", I think to myself. I have to do something. I give extra hugs, extra attention, gently ask "what's wrong?" The crying, whining and annoyance doesn't subside. So I do the opposite -- give her space, walk away, tell her it's okay to cry in her bedroom. Nothing. Actually, more tears and screaming. 


I went to bed feeling bad that night. For hours I rattled my brain wondering what I did wrong, how I could do better... Then, yesterday, I tried something new; Camila started to have a fit because I brushed her hair in the bathroom instead of in the living room (a preference she apparently developed this morning), and I felt my shoulders climbing up my neck and my breathing getting shallow. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and knelt next to my daughter. I was going to say something but instead I just looked at her and put my hand on her leg. She stopped (fake) crying for a second and then resumed. I kept my hand on her leg and said nothing. A minute passed and she turned to look at me, stared and grunted. I said nothing but tried my hardest to project nothing but love. "Mommy?" She sat up and stared at me with big round eyes. I said, "I love you." She looked down, stood up and waited. "I love you," I repeated. "Do you want a hug?" She nodded yes and hugged me. I allowed her to control the length and strength of our embrace. She pulled back and said the most surprising thing, "I love you mommy. I'm not going to fight with you anymore." 

Today she said "Mommy, I know how much you love me." I asked, "You do? How do you know?" And in her usual brilliance and amazing understanding of herself and life, she responded, "I know with all of my voice!" And it turns out that sometimes there is nothing for me to do but stop, sit in silence and wait. And in that silence she feels heard and feels all of my love. 

The Dream is a Reality

I was so excited to hear that the Dream Act passed in California! This bill will allow California high school graduates who have no legal documentation, to attend college and apply for financial aid. This is a great step in the right direction -- more college graduates means more productivity, more creativity, more safety and more financial stability for our state. 

As we have more college graduates we will have more small businesses and more job creation -- something California is in dire need of with a 12.1% unemployment rate. Giving bright high school students the chance to attend universities and colleges will give them the opportunity to create, innovate, and help California remain the eighth largest economy in the world. 

I don't understand why there are people who would rather create a second-class citizen who has fewer rights and options. A second-class citizen who cannot contribute fully to society. I don't want to live in a place where youth is angry because they are being punished for their parents' actions, retaliating through violence or becoming a true burden on society because they are unemployable. 

The Dream Act tells elementary, junior and high school students that there is hope, that they have options. Despite their parents bringing them to this country without their knowledge or consent, they can make something of themselves and contribute to our society. This is a far different message from what these undocumented students received before -- what was the point of studying and doing well if they could not attend college and have successful careers? 

As long as they are not criminals; gangsters, violent offenders, drug dealers -- in some way a detriment to our society, why not let them be an asset? 

Some argue that the Dream Act will encourage people to cross our borders illegally. What these people fail to see is that the parents who brought their children here illegally didn't expect their children to be able to attend college. They came anyway and they would continue coming because a lack of college education is the least of their concerns. People risk their lives and the lives of their children to come into this country because staying where they were would be a certain death for them all. Their children would literally starve, suffer and die if they didn't come here. 

People come to the U.S. and will continue to come here even if no services are provided for them or their children. What brings them are jobs and what keeps them here are jobs. In Mexico, 47.4% of the population lives in poverty, according to a report by the Government of National Assessment of Social Policy Development. In Guatemala, 75% of the population lives in poverty, 58% in extreme poverty, according to The World Bank. And according to The World Bank, 20 percent of Nicaragua's population, "fall below the extreme poverty line and are food poor; that is, they cannot meet the daily minimum caloric requirement even if they were to devote all of their consumption to food." Really, a college education is probably amongst the last things on these parents' minds. 

In the end it doesn't really matter how these students came to be here. What matters is that we give them a place to go and a way to make our state and our nation better through continued hard work and dedication. The Dream Act will allow them to achieve this. 

It All Makes Sense Now!

Last week I was at the park with my children enjoying a beautiful day. Most of the children present were young -- under five-years-old. There is a tall structure at this park and a lot of the children were climbing it. Every time one of them climbed up us moms did a little coaching, a little warning -- "One at a time! Be careful!" A few moms walked closer to the structure to be within reach in case their child fell off. All of a sudden five boys around 10-years-old appeared and immediately started climbing the tall structure, two at a time, and jumping off! Again and again they jumped off and landed not on their feet, but on their backs and sides. I just kept thinking "God, please don't let my son ever do something that dumb!" 


I've seen images like those I saw at the park before; boys jumping off roofs, loosing their teeth after skateboarding off a handrail, setting themselves on fire to get a laugh, trying to "surf" on top of a moving car. The thought "How stupid can you be?", always crosses my mind when I see those thing. Why do they do it? It makes no sense to me! Well, it made no sense to me...


However, I recently learned that the prefrontal cortex, located behind our foreheads, and in charge of controlling the ability to differentiate between good and bad, foreseeing future consequences of actions, predicting outcomes, and good social behavior, amongst other duties, is not fully formed until we are well into our 20's. Yes, the area of the brain in charge of decision-making and good judgement, is not fully formed until we reach the age of 25! It all makes now, doesn't it?


Knowing this, I can't think of those boys as dumb anymore. I can't blame them for their immaturity and lack of foresight (how many bones could they have broken jumping off that structure so many times?). Now I know that it truly is just an issue of immaturity based not so much on personality, but on biology. And I also see how much our son will need us to guide him and teach him until he is well past what some parents consider the age where they should stay out of their kids' lives and let them make their own decisions. 


So for now, I will keep reminding them, "One at a time! Be careful!" And hoping (against hope maybe) that my son will never do something so dumb.