You Want How Many Kids?!

I want four children. I know-- gasp, schock, horror! I've yet to meet a person who smiled and said "How cool!" in response to my declaration. Maybe it's because we live in Silicon Valley and life here is expensive... The thing is, I'm being flexible and reasonable. Really. I used to want eight children. Yes, eight. 

I'm the second of three children and as far back as I can remember, what I wanted most was to be a mom. I can see my three-year-old self naming all of my kids and dreaming of being a mom. I don't know how the number eight came about, but it seemed to me like the perfect number of children. 

Months before my husband and I were to wed, I treated him to a fancy dinner in San Francisco with the purpose of clarifying something... "I want to make sure you know I really want eight kids." He smiled and held my hand. "I'm serious. Four biological, four adopted." He kept on smiling. "I'm serious! You can't change your mind. If you change your mind it'll be grounds for divorce." Now he leaned over and kissed me. "I know. It's fine. Whatever you want. Just become a rich author so I can be a stay-at-home-dad." Seven months later we married in my hometown of Petaluma. 

In 2007 we were blessed with our beautiful Camila. She was an easy, happy baby. My dad told me ask the pediatrician if he thought everything was alright because Camila never cried. At five months she let out her first wail and even after that, crying was a rare thing for her. But I was tired and I told my husband I had changed my mind. Six kids would do. Carlos and I were 31 then and it seemed unlikely we would manage seven more kids before turning forty -- a self-imposed cut-off age. 

The following year, our son Mateo was born. He was a more demanding baby from the beginning. He wanted to be carried all the time, woke up to nurse every hour and a half and he didn't start sleeping through the night until he was 18-months-old. I continued nursing him until he was two-years-old and by then I had again revised my plan. Four children would do. My husband only smiled upon hearing my announcement. 

They've been holding hands from the beginning.

Undeniable true love.

Camila is now four and Mateo is three-years-old. (Hard to believe). We're starting to think about baby number three and just today a member of one of my moms' groups expressed her ambivalence about having a second child. To my surprise, most of the responses were from singletons who say they loved being only children growing up. 

For me, the most important relationship (aside from the one with my husband) is the one I have with my sister and brother. They are the only people in the world who experienced everything I've experienced. My sister, four years older than me, has more memories of me than I do. She is my strength, my hero, my advocate. My brother, though eight years younger than me, has always been my best friend. Talking about our childhood, remembering daily, sad and funny events is important for us and something we have fun doing. My life would be completely different had I been an only child -- I can't imagine it being as rich, joyful or... complete. 

Now I watch Camila and Mateo play together, laugh together and learn to navigate the world together. I listen to them talk nonstop in their room every morning (and on some nights). I watch them taking care of each other at the park and laugh when I see them wrestling each other. I remember doing the same things with my siblings. I also remember family parties with over fifteen kids dancing, laughing, telling jokes, because none of my aunts and uncles had just one child. Those were great, rowdy parties and I loved being with my siblings and my cousins. At a recent family gathering we sat around my dad's dining room table singing together as he played the guitar and I can't imagine that happening if I were an only child. 

The relationship between siblings is the longest we experience in life. For me, being with my sister and brother is amazing and I'm glad my children get to experience that unbreakable bond. Great friends come and go, cousins move away and are loved but more distant, but my brother and sister are my constant. It makes me happy to know that when Carlos and I are gone, Camila and Mateo will be there to hold each other's hand and keep moving forward together. So hopefully Mateo will have the chance to be an older brother soon (twice over), Camila will get that little sister she prays for every night, and both will have another little hand to hold, another friend for life to love.