Thumb Guard Failure

I blogged about Camila's life-long thumb-sucking habit last November. After trying several things to get her to stop sucking her thumb we had finally reached the point of desperation. We bought the ThumbGuard and hoped it was $75 well spent.

The first night we opened it we let Camila look at it, examine it, try it out and play with it a little bit. We gave her the option of wearing it that night or the following night. Not surprisingly, she opted to wait a day. But the following night she let us put it on and kept it on all night. It went like that for about five nights. We thought we were on our way, the seventy-five dollar investment had saved us thousands of dollars in orthodontist bills years from now!

Then she woke up without it. She had squirmed her thin little hand and fingers out of the "guard". That night we made it a little tighter but the following morning she had a mark all around her delicate hand, so we loosened it again and explained to her that she should leave it on. She didn't laugh in our faces at that very moment, but I know she laughed because the next morning she woke with with a huge grin on her face and no thumb guard. In the meantime, she had started sucking her thumb all day long. Our efforts to stop her thumb-sucking had again driven her to suck it even more!

Talking about it didn't work, the evil-tasting Mavala Stop didn't work and the ThumbGuard didn't work. We've lost. Parents zero, Camila 1 and as I look into the future I push this image away:

Yes, the very troubled Amy Winehouse was a thumb-sucker.

So what does a mom do when the child wins? She pretends the ball is still in her court; "Camila, you know what I realized? I noticed you really don't like this thumb guard and it's okay if you don't want to wear it anymore... and you know what? I know you're a strong girl and when you're ready you'll stop sucking your thumb. I know when you choose to stop you'll be able to do it all on your own!" She looked at me with wide-open eyes. She wasn't on to me. "Okay!" She kissed me, ran to the couch and sat down, thumb firmly in her mouth.

It's been a month and the thumb-sucking has not ceased. Nor do I think it will. I'm considering a new strategy -- encouraging her to suck her thumb. Maybe even enforcing it at all times...

So I'm open to suggestions, ideas, proven methods. I just don't want her picture to end up on this adult thumb-sucking web site: http://www.thumbsuckingadults.com/mytsMainPhotoIndex.htm. Seriously, I'm begging.

Image credits: https://www.google.com/search?q=girl+sucking+thumb&hl=en&prmd=imvns&source=lnms&tbm=isch&ei=63QxT-SWEtPYiQKr87mwAw&sa=X&oi=mode_link&ct=mode&cd=2&ved=0CBcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1066&bih=529

Born To Be Wild

My husband and I recently took our children, Camila (4) and Mateo (3), to see their first IMAX movie, Born To Be Wild. We sat at the very top so we wouldn't injure our necks looking up and that decision resulted in one of the most adorable questions from my son once the movie began; "Mommy, are we inside the movie?" For the remainder of the film he and his sister asked, "Where are we going now?", every time there was a scenery transition. These questions from my children encompass their innocence, vulnerability and ability to just believe and be in the present -- I love any experience that reminds me that I have much to learn from my kids.

Born To Be Wild is the story of two women, one in Africa and the other in Indonesia, who have dedicated their lives to saving orphaned elephants and orphaned orangutans respectively. We meet the teams of people who support their work by actually living with these animals and caring for them twenty-four hours a day.

You know how they often use the word heartwarming to describe a film and it can mean little or nothing at times? Well, this movie truly is heartwarming. I was moved and inspired by the humanity shown to these animals and by how very similar their needs are to ours. I am not one to equate humans with animals, but this movie really captures why every being should be respected and valued. Though we are different from them, our needs and our journeys are quite similar. My children even self-identified with the orangutans; Camila said she was the one who ate the soap while bathing, and Mateo said he was the little one sitting in a woven basket.

The film is narrated by Morgan Freeman and the IMAX screen truly swallows you into the amazing jungles of Indonesia and the unforgiving African terrain. My children were mesmerized the entire forty minutes and have not stopped talking about it. I was truly astonished by the dedication and love demonstrated by the people who rescue, rehabilitate and prepare these animals to return to the wild with a greater chance of survival. And just like we can learn from small children, we can learn from these elephants and orangutans how to relate, love and empathize with each other.

Amazing, inspiring and moving. A must-see for the whole family!


Official movie site: http://www.imax.com/borntobewild/

Arthur Christmas - Movie Review

One of my favorite family traditions is going to the movies the day after Thanksgiving. This year I watched Arthur Christmas with my mom, my sister, my husband and my children, Camila (4) and Mateo (3).

I must say, when I saw the previews I didn't have the slightest interest in the film. We went to see it because the show time worked with the kids' schedule. To my surprise, I loved it from beginning to end. Actually, the beginning was my favorite part -- I found it to be creative and exciting, reminding me a lot of movies like Mission Impossible.

The story is realistic... I know what you're thinking, "It's about Santa Claus and elves Karla!" But I allowed myself to be immersed in the movie and chose to believe in Santa Claus for the duration of the film. The family dynamic was credible and the characters were developed enough for us to be cheering for certain ones. Plus, after watching how Santa and the elves deliver all those gifts at the beginning, it really all makes sense!

The theater was packed with adults and children of all ages. Throughout the movie there was a lot of laughter coming from the adults and the movie was dynamic enough to keep the children entertained. (There wasn't a bunch of walk-outs like I saw during Cars 2). I'm really good at figuring out the mystery or the punch line in a movie, but this one kept me guessing till the end and almost made me cry. Almost.

I definitely recommend this movie -- it's one both you and your children will enjoy!

Official movie site link: http://www.arthurchristmas.com/

Sometimes the Best Thing to Do Is Nothing

Tuesday was a rough day. It was the third day Camila woke up on the left side of the bed, with the wrong foot, upside down and backwards. Everything was wrong; she didn't want daddy to dress her but me. She cried when I put on her t-shirt "I don't want short sleeves, I want a long sleeves!" She cried some more when I told her she could change. She put on a long-sleeved shirt and pushed the sleeves all the way up to her biceps. The fork was the wrong color. The plate was the wrong material, her seat belt didn't feel right... 


I took her and her brother to a local theme park for a change of scenery and some fun... I thought. But Camila was still in a bad mood. She didn't want to get on the rides, pet the animals, wait in line, or let anyone else have fun. I kept my cool for about three hours. Then... it's so hard to stay calm and not lose my patience when I have four consecutive days like this! 


But the other day I read this quote by Tony Humphries; "They're not trying to make life difficult for you, they are only trying to show you how difficult it is for them." ‎I kept reminding myself of this all day. It's not about me, it's about them. 




But... "something must be wrong", I think to myself. I have to do something. I give extra hugs, extra attention, gently ask "what's wrong?" The crying, whining and annoyance doesn't subside. So I do the opposite -- give her space, walk away, tell her it's okay to cry in her bedroom. Nothing. Actually, more tears and screaming. 


I went to bed feeling bad that night. For hours I rattled my brain wondering what I did wrong, how I could do better... Then, yesterday, I tried something new; Camila started to have a fit because I brushed her hair in the bathroom instead of in the living room (a preference she apparently developed this morning), and I felt my shoulders climbing up my neck and my breathing getting shallow. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and knelt next to my daughter. I was going to say something but instead I just looked at her and put my hand on her leg. She stopped (fake) crying for a second and then resumed. I kept my hand on her leg and said nothing. A minute passed and she turned to look at me, stared and grunted. I said nothing but tried my hardest to project nothing but love. "Mommy?" She sat up and stared at me with big round eyes. I said, "I love you." She looked down, stood up and waited. "I love you," I repeated. "Do you want a hug?" She nodded yes and hugged me. I allowed her to control the length and strength of our embrace. She pulled back and said the most surprising thing, "I love you mommy. I'm not going to fight with you anymore." 

Today she said "Mommy, I know how much you love me." I asked, "You do? How do you know?" And in her usual brilliance and amazing understanding of herself and life, she responded, "I know with all of my voice!" And it turns out that sometimes there is nothing for me to do but stop, sit in silence and wait. And in that silence she feels heard and feels all of my love. 

The Mommy Curse

If I had known how much guilt is envolved with being a mom I would have never reproached my mom for anything. I would have known she had already beaten herself up for every single misstep in raising me.

Every night, when I go to sleep I review my day and give myself a grade. I don't know when I started doing this. Maybe I did it from the beginning. But I've noticed that I'm just like those teachers I hated who would never give students an A+ no matter what.

No matter how good a day I create for my children
I seem to always find fault with my parenting. 

It can be anything; having missed naps, not cooking enough fresh meals, having spent too much time in the kitchen instead of playing with the kids, having uttered too many "no's," having put them to bed late, not having read more than two books, and on bad days (mine or theirs), having yelled at them or threatened them with a spanking.

That could be me, lying sleepless, judging myself
while my husband rests peacefully. 

The thing is, I think I'm a really good mom. I love my children to death, and having worked so hard to become a mom, I protect them and cherish them. I love being a stay-at-home-mom and no amount of money could pull me away from my position. My children are happy, loving, intelligent, polite, kind and healthy. They are the kind of kids who sing while they play.

So why am I so hard on myself? Why do I focus on my mistakes instead of the things I do right as a mom? Why do I beat myself up every night? The guilt does me no good and it does my kids no good. And the guilt about feeling guilty is even more useless.

What I recently learned is that I'm not the only mom who does this. In fact, it seems this condition of self-inflicting flagellation is very common amongst moms. More than two friends have recently shared with me stories of self-grading and self-flogging to the point of tears. I wonder if it's an innate action that somehow forces us to scrutinize everything we do in order to be better parents and keep our children safe, or if it's some sort of mommy curse.

Either way, what I realized as I listened to one of my friends share a self-grading episode with me, is that if we are this harsh with ourselves, when we're really good moms, we will be just as harsh on our children, making them feel the same guilt and self-hate that we bring on ourselves. Listening to her, there was no judgement on my part. It was actually like watching myself in an out-of-body experience and it could've been me telling that exact story. But watching from the outside, what I wanted to say most was "Be kind to yourself. Have compassion for yourself." If we are able to do that then we will be able to be kind and compassionate with our children. If we are able to overlook our mistakes and focus on the 98% good instead of the 2% bad or just "not good enough," we will always be able to do the same with our children.

When my children do something wrong I don't say "You get an 'F'!" I say, "You are learning and mistakes are part of the process." Yelling "You get an F!" would not help them grow or become good people, it would probably have an opposite effect stifling them and killing their spirits. And just like there is no manual titled "How To Become A Human Being And Learn Everything You Need To Know," there isn't a manual titled "How To Be The Perfect Parent For Camila And Mateo." So at the end of the day I can't review the events and cross and circle everything with a red pen, lest I stifle myself with guilt and kill my spirit. Nor do I want my children to grow up being so hard on themselves... or on me. Compassion begets compassion.

What I'll do the next time I start berating myself for not
doing every single thing perfectly every day. 

Sign Language Leads to Spoken Language

When I was a student at the University of California at Davis, I took a course with professor Linda Acredolo, whose research lead to Baby Signs: How to Talk With Your Baby Before Your Baby Can Talk, a book that preceded and probably sparked the baby signing trend. I was fascinated by the idea of babies being able to communicate in infancy and promised myself to teach my children sign language. 

My daughter's first sign -- "more"

When my daughter was born I got a few books and attended a few signing play dates but I had difficulty figuring out the signs from two-dimensional drawings. Still, I used the simple ones; milk, mom, ball, car, dog. I had a total of about twenty words I used with my daughter. The mistake I made was not being patient or persistent. I stopped signing when my daughter was about seven months old because she wasn't signing back to me. I should've read the literature which explains that most children start signing back at around eight months. 


When my son was born the following year I decided to give it a serious go and signed up for an ASL (American Sign Language) class with my husband. It turns out ASL, real sign language, is much simpler to learn than what some call "baby sign language." In the first day of class we learned about thirty words and I felt comfortable enough to start using them all day, every day. My daughter started signing right away too. Though she had started speaking at ten months, she seemed excited to be able to sign and be understood by us more often. To my surprise, she immediately started speaking a lot more words too. Signing expanded her vocabulary and her confidence.  

My daughter's favorite sign. 

My son started signing for milk when he was five-months-old. At six months he started speaking -- "mama, papa, avion (airplane)." By the time he was just over one year-old my son was speaking in complete sentences. People thought he was a midget because he spoke so well. I credit his fluency and ease with words to genes of course -- his dad and I are geniuses. Ha, ha! In all seriousness, I truly believe both of my children started speaking early because we signed with them. 

"Hurt" - one of the most helpful signs
for babies and their parents. 

It seems the act of signing helps children "get" words more easily. Something clicks in their brain when they see mom signing and speaking at the same time. I also believe the ability to communicate long before they are physically ready to formulate spoken words, encourages them to communicate more and to actually speak earlier. 




Seeing my children's excitement and the positive effect it was having on our level of communication, I purchased the Signing Time DVD series. I had seen other signing DVD's but this is the best I found (and it was recommended by our ASL teachers). 


I love the fact that the Signing Time series was created by a mom whose child was born deaf -- a true labor of love. It's easy to learn signs from these videos because they show multiple examples of each sign. My kids love watching them because the signs are taught not only by Rachel, the creator, but by babies and children as well. The songs are cute and pleasant and I love, love, love that the videos are also available in Spanish. 

"Thank you," one of my favorite signs. 

I'm happy and proud that we taught our children sign language and believe their ability to communicate with us decreased the number of tantrums and the level of frustration experienced by both them and us (my husband and me). Now that they speak fluently we don't use signs as much but there are a few, like "be careful," I love to use at parks instead of screaming, and every once in a while we watch the Signing Time videos and review so as not to forget it all. 

"Careful." 

Product link: Signing Time - http://www.signingtime.com/
Image credits: abcmesign.com, athensparent.com, littlesignersclub.wordpress.com, www2.ljworld.com, lifeprint.com

Dr. Seuss Habla Español!

It wasn't until I became a mom that I began to read Dr. Seuss' books. The first movie my husband and I took my daughter to see was "Horton Hears A Who!", and I instantly fell in love with the way Dr. Seuss' stories are able to convey a strong message to people of all ages. So I was thrilled to find his work translated to Spanish!


I love "Huevos verdes con jamon" (Green Eggs and Ham), because it helps me remind my children that it's important to try new foods at least once. Often, when they turn away from a new food I recite a few lines from the book. They laugh and usually try at least one bite.









"Yoruga la tortuga y otros cuentos" (Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories), is my favorite Dr. Seuss book. So many wonderful lessons including the perils of being power-hungry and the importance of accepting our bodies as they are.

"Oh, cuan lejos llegaras" (Oh, the Places You'll Go!), is a beautiful book that any parent might have written, or would like to write for their child. It's a story about life that I know I will continue reading to my children for many years to come and pack it up in their suitcase when they move away to college.


My kids love these books and I love that they are available for parents who are raising their children with the Spanish language!

I must say I have read a few other translated Dr. Seuss books and found the translations to be subpar, so I always borrow his books from the library before buying them. 

Lessons From My 4-Year-Old

I'm well aware of the enormity of my responsibility as a mom and primary care giver. My job is to teach my children how to sleep on a schedule, how to eat solids, how to walk, how to talk, to get dressed, to tie their shoes and to use the bathroom. It's my job to teach them how to socialize, how to interpret jokes, to distinguish between good and bad, between right and wrong. It's up to me to teach them to be polite, how to converse, to cooperate, to negotiate, to be kind but not a push-over, to be honest but careful with people's feelings. From me they learn the importance of being on time, giving a gift, sending a thank-you card, exercising, eating right... packing a suitcase, dialing 911... everything. 

But sometimes the lessons are learned by me and taught by my children.  

Case in point, Camila, my four-year-old. A few months ago a friend invited us to her house. It was a warm day and she told us to bring swimsuits in case the kids wanted to get wet -- the sprinklers and water toys would be on. I packed a bag with swimsuits, water shoes, sunscreen, hats, extra clothes, and we were on our way. Three blocks from my friend's house I realized I had left the bag at home and let out a loud "Oh shoot!" My daughter immediately asked "What's wrong mommy?" I said, "I left the swimsuits and everything at home!" I looked at the time and started looking for a place to make a u-turn. My kids would be the only ones not able to get wet -- I couldn't let them down like that. But my daughter interrupted my thoughts, "Oh it's okay mommy. Don't worry. Look, I don't want you to drive all the way back home, get us out of the car and hurry to the house to go look everywhere for the bag, okay? It's okay. We just won't get wet. We'll still have fun." I looked at her through my rear-view mirror and saw her beautiful little face, happy and serene. She really meant it. She wasn't mad or sad about it. I said, "All the other kids will get wet. We could go home and get everything really fast and come back." She put her little hands casually behind her head and smiled "I know mommy but then we won't get so much time with our friends." I was struck by how right she was. We went to my friend's house and no one got wet after all. My kids had a great time and I learned a great lesson; it's more important to have time with loved ones and to take life in stride sometimes instead of running around in a hurry trying to make everything perfect. 

More recently, I went to Macy's to buy myself some clothes. Now, Camila and Mateo usually behave so well that I get compliments from other people. The truth is they are well-behaved children everywhere we go, but on this particular day Camila was in a feisty mood. She was bothering her brother and kept getting moving away from me. I grew up watching America's Most Wanted, After School Specials, Oprah and Lifetime movies, so I'm terrified of my children being kidnapped and killed, or worse. You can imagine the terror that entered my body when I turned around to say hi to the cashier and looked back to find only my son sitting in the stroller. I scanned the area quickly and called out "Camila." I carried my son and started moving away from the register, "Camila!" I looked towards the dressing rooms, the escalator, the exit, "Camila!" I kneeled on the floor and looked under the clothes racks "Camila!" My heart was beating so hard I thought I would die but knew I couldn't until I found her. "Camila!" After about four torturous minutes she popped out of a clothes rack, laughing. My fear turned into relief and quickly into anger. 

I forgot my usual get-on-my-child's-eye-level and reassure them I love them despite their mistakes. "Camila! Come here! Do not ever do that again! You scared me, I thought someone kidnapped you! Someone could kidnap you if you leave my side like that! Why did you do that? Do not ever, ever --" I wanted her to feel bad. I wanted to scare her so she would never do it again. I wanted her to see how mad I was so she would remember and reconsider the next time. I could see my screaming had made her laughter and her smile disappear and I felt horrible but wanted to make my point. 

"Mommy, you know what? ... Mommy, you know what?"

My voice still raised I asked "What?"

"I forgive you mommy." I dropped to my knees. "You forgive me?" All the anger left my body. "Yes mommy. I forgive you and I love you." She held my face in her little hands and I could see the tears welled up in her eyes. I hugged her tight and kissed her over and over. "Thank you my love." 

At that moment, I learned how to forgive a person in the midst of being attacked. Camila taught me that I can forgive even before being asked for forgiveness and that big, big lesson from someone who is just figuring out how the world works makes me a better mom and a better human being. 

How to Talk & Listen

How to Talk & Listen

I love being a mom and treat my job like a corporate position. As such, I love taking courses and attending talks as ongoing education if you will.

This book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish, has been mentioned by at least three different speakers covering different topics regarding the raising of children. Hearing about it so much, and reading the title a number of times in articles about parenting, I couldn't resist buying it.

The title is long, but really, it's what I, as a mom of two preschoolers, wants to do; talk in a way that they will listen and listen in a way so they'll talk to me now and in their teen years, when kids tend to basically go mute and only utter monosyllabic responses.

I'm currently on chapter three and so far, I want to embody this book! I want my kids to read it one day when they're adults and to ask themselves "Did my mom write this book?"

The authors suggest the reader treat the book like a workbook, filling in blanks and answering questions. I haven't done this -- I'm lucky to have time to read! But I love the way it's written and you'd think I'd be tired of reading illustrated books, but I really, really like the cartoons that help me visualize and imagine how a scenario would normally go and how they would ideally go. I also enjoy reading about other parents' challenges, trials and successes.

I love reading mysteries, who-done-it's, and just plain humor, but once I start reading this book at night it's difficult for me put it down! Especially after implementing some of the ideas presented by Faber and Mazlish. I've got to say that every single technique has worked! So I'll keep on reading and becoming a better listener and talker.

How Much Do They Really Need to Eat?

Like most moms of toddlers, I struggled to get my children to eat at one point. But as I shared in my July 21 entry, once I changed my approach to getting them to eat (and basically stopped trying to get them to eat), they started eating. Faking lack of interest in whether or not they ate was more than a little difficult at first, but I found a food guide that helped put me at ease.

What I learned really surprised me. Take a look at what is recommended for a child to eat every day: 

Children 1-3 years old need...

6-10 of these choices: 

1/2 slice bread/tortilla/roll

1/2 pancake/waffle

1/4 bagel

1/2 cup cereal

1/4 cup cooked cereal

1/4 cup noodles/rice

3 small crackers

They also need: 

1-1.5 cups cooked or raw veggies

1-1.5 cups fresh/canned/frozen fruit

(Limit 100% fruit juice to 4 ounces a day)  

And 4 of these choices: 

1/2 cup milk/yogurt (whole milk up to age 2)

1 cup cottage cheese

3/4 ounces of cheese

1/2 cup pudding/custard

3/4 cup frozen yogurt

3/4 cup ice cream 

As well as 2-4 of these choices:

1 ounce meat/chicken/turkey/fish

1 egg

1/4 cup beans/peas/lentils

1 tablespoon peanut butter

1/4 cup tofu

One ounce is 2 tablespoons! When I read this I literally ran to the kitchen and measured out two tablespoons of chicken and realized it's a tiny amount of food -- faking disintrest had just gotten much easier for me! 

Children 4-5 years old need...

4-5 of these choices: 

1 slice of bread/tortilla/roll

1 pancake/waffle

1/2 bagel

1 cup of cereal

1/4 cup of noodles/rice

6 small crackers

They also need:

1.5-2 cups of cooked or raw vegetables

1-1.5 cups of fresh/canned/frozen fruit 

(limit 100% fruit juice to 6 ounces per day)

As well as 3-4 of these choices:

3/4 cup milk/yogurt

1 cup cottage cheese

1 ounce of cheese

3/4 cup of pudding/custard

1 cup frozen yogurt

1 cup ice cream

And 3-5 of these choices:

1 ounce meat/chicken/turkey/fish

1 egg

1/4 cup beans/peas/lentils

1 tablespoon peanut butter

1/4 cup tofu

1/2 ounce nuts/seeds

I love that the necessary foods are listed as "choices" because letting them choose is what really empowers children and leads them to eat. Recently my son, practically a vegetarian by choice, has stopped eating many of the veggies he normally eats. When I start panicking and thinking "he's not eating enough vegetables!", I remind myself that he doesn't actually need to eat all of these choices every single day. It's my job to offer him and his sister all of these foods, but I have to look at the big picture; did they eat enough vegetables, fruits or whatever this week, not on Monday or Wednesday. My goal is to help them become life-long healthy eaters and I'm glad I found these guidelines because as much as I want them to eat well, I don't want them to overeat.  

6 small crackers, 1 cup of fruit, 1 pancake -- these are not large amounts of food! What matters most I think is to offer food throughout the day at specific mealtimes (no grazing or nonstop snacking!) Children in these age groups should eat three meals and two to three snacks a day.

I have found that actually writing down what my kids eat really helps me see how balanced or unbalanced their diet is and to course correct. 

So, how much do they really need to eat? Not that much. 

*I got these guidelines from www.mypyramid.gov last year but when I visited the web site to post a link here, I found that it's no longer available. I imagine they're revamping everything to match the new "My Plate" campaign. 

*Please e-mail me at themommystreetjournal@gmail.com to let me know if you'd like the printable version of the food guide which also includes recommendations for women.