I've Decided to Stop Poisoning My Family

Yes, I was poisoning my family. Isn't that horrible?


When my husband and I got married we bought a nice set of pans at Macy's. We didn't know anything about cooking so we were led by brand, appearance and price figuring the more expensive, the better the pans. Since we didn't know hot to cook we figured we should go with ease and chose the non-stick pans. Little did I know we had started poisoning ourselves. See, at high temperatures, non-stick cookware releases PFOA's, a toxic chemical that is a carcinogen linked to low birth weights. 


I hate cooking, but when my daughter was born I started cooking a lot more and simultaneously learned all about the evils of non-stick cookware, threw them out, and bought a set of stainless steel pots and pans. The next morning, when I made... tried to make scrambled eggs I almost cried. One of the few things I'd always known how to cook just right, was all stuck to the pan. I washed it and tried again. Same result. For a week I tried the stainless steel pans, even "treating" them with oil salt and whatever else the Internet said. After a month and a lot of frustration I went to Costco and bought a new set of non-stick pans. Ahhh, the sweet relief of scrambled eggs sliding right off that pan! 


I used those new non-stick pans for four years. I cooked delicious (okay, acceptable) meals for my husband and my children, feeling pangs of guilt that didn't allow me to fully enjoy our meals... Was I making my child infertile or giving them Cancer with those meals? 


But I have corrected course -- two weeks ago I purchased a set of Green Earth Pans...

These pans by Ozeri Ceramic, though non-stick, don't contain PFOA's or any other toxic chemicals. 


I've been using the pans for a week and so far I love them. Being careful never use metal utensils on them so as not to scratch them, I can make scrambled eggs, pancakes and crepes without any of it sticking. Yay! Cleaning the ceramic surface is super easy too! 


I still don't enjoy cooking, but I can finally enjoy watching my family eat! 

http://www.amazon.com/Frying-Ozeri-Ceramic-Non-Stick-Coating/dp/B004AMUELO

Thumb-Sucker!

One of the most beautiful memories for me is that of my daughter, a tiny baby with a mop of shiny black hair, sucking her thumb in her seemingly giant crib. I have to thank that little thumb for helping my Camila be such a good sleeper. She has always be able to soothe herself to sleep because of that thumb.

That now calloused thumb is causing some serious problems now that Camila is four-years-old though. For a year her dentist has been telling me she has to stop sucking her thumb. We started off talking about it with her, "Honey, the dentist says it's important for you to stop sucking your thumb. It's bad for your teeth." Each time she sucked her thumb we reminded her gently, "Camila, your thumb honey." For some strange reason, this gentle approach worsened the situation. While she only sucked her thumb at nap and night time before we started telling her to stop, after our conversation, she started sucking her thumb during the day.

Six months later her dentist recommended Mavala Stop -- I call it truth serum because it's potent and disgusting enough to make you confess all your secrets. I know because as a loving mom (and evil wife my husband would say), I put a drop of the stuff on my tongue and on my husband's tongue before brushing it on Camila's nails like the dentist suggested. The result? Instant tears and gagging which lasted for four days (seriously) because the flavor reappeared any time we put food in our mouths. Still, as a strict and committed mom, I went ahead and put the awful stuff on Camila's nails while she was sleeping. The result? More tears... from me. I couldn't help it. I watched my unsuspecting little girl gag and examine her thumb again and again, never giving up and eventually sucking all the evil taste off her nail. I cried of guilt and pity. But her dentists was clear, her teeth were being pulled forward and out by her thumb sucking. So I brushed on some more Mavala Stop on her nails only to see her suck it right off, this time knowingly and determined.

My husband and I both sucked our thumb until we were four or five-years-old and our moms swear we stopped on our own. Our teeth are fine -- my are perfectly straight actually. So I put away the Mavala Stop. If Camila is so determined, and so in need of that thumb to soothe herself, who are we to get in the way? "She'll stop eventually" I said to my husband, as images of that thirty-something guest on the Dr.Phil show asking "is this normal?" while she sucked her thumb in her corporate office flashed through my mind and bit of doubt entered me.

That was almost a year ago. When we visited her dentist again las month, the news was really bad. Her teeth are crooked and her jaw is actually sliding to the right because of the strong suction she uses to suck her thumb at night. Yikes! She has to stop, the dentist warns. "If not, we'll have to put in an implant on the back of her front teeth that will prevent her from sucking her thumb." Double yikes!

So today I ordered this device:

It's not cheap, almost $75, and to be honest I am weary of the design and effectiveness. How bad can thumb-sucking be really? She probably would stop on her own at some point... But I have to trust her dentist.

I know I'll probably cry watching her unable to suck her little thumb, unable to soothe herself the best way she knows how. And I have a terrible feeling I'll be getting some middle-of-the-night calls from her. But I want her to have nice teeth and to be able to bite off and chew her food. So we'll see how this goes... it's better than oral surgery.

Gratitude Makes Us Happy!

I wish Thanksgiving was every day. Not so much because of the turkey, the mash potatoes and the fruit salad, but because it's a day when people express their gratitude.

Like everyone else, I've had some difficult experiences in my life. Of those, there are two that have affected me profoundly. The first was a three-year period of debilitating pain that preceded major back surgery at the age of 20. The second was the loss of our first baby when I was three months pregnant.

Both of these experiences were devastating and frightening. You can imagine, a young college student, active and athletic, on some days unable to even crawl to the bathroom. I was on strong pain medication that didn't take the pain away but made me sick to my stomach pretty much every day. Before entering the operating room for my emergency laminectomy, the surgeon greeted me and expressed amazement at my positive attitude and the smile on my face.

Our first baby was much desired and planned. My life-long dream of being a mom was shattered when I was three months pregnant, and this time there was no smile on my face before entering the operating room for a D&C. The months that followed consisted of many appointments with the doctor and more devastating news. But through it all, just like when I was suffering from a ruptured disc in my back, I was saying "Thank you for this God."

Being grateful, even in these difficult moments, kept me positive and hopeful. I was able to remain happy because even on days when I fell to my knees and cried, my gratitude gave me the strength to stand up and the ability to see that though it was awful and painful, my experience was a blessing.

Every morning when I wake I thank God for each blessing I have. Throughout the day, I look around and feel so grateful for the little things -- clean clothes, a pair of earrings, toothpaste, a quiet neighborhood, and for the big things -- food, clean water, a loving husband, two healthy children, my mom, my life. And at night, when I close my eyes I give thanks again -- for the day's triumphs and mistakes, for my warm blankets, and for little toys, found hidden under my pillow or in my bed.

When my children cry without true reason, when they are in a bad mood and whiny or just complaining, I sit with them and make them list what they are grateful for. They always start reluctantly, but after naming a few things and people, a smile always creeps onto their face and soon their attitude changes because giving thanks helps us see all the blessings we have. Especially for a young child, it may be difficult to realize they have arms to hug, legs and feet to walk, ears to listen and learn, eyes to see, a mom and dad who love and take care of them. But by asking them every day what they're grateful for and sharing with them what I'm grateful for, my children learn to be grateful for every little thing. The most difficult thing to teach them is that even those bad, sad, frustrating and hurtful moments are a blessing. But I know that will come with life experience.

The research shows it -- gratitude leads to happiness. People who show gratitude are healthier and more satisfied. We'd be a much healthier, happier nation if we made every day a day of thanksgiving.

So even when Thanksgiving day has passed and all the turkey sandwiches are gone, keep on giving thanks -- you'll be grateful in the end. 

Celebrate!

Camila and Mateo have been in swimming lessons for about three years now. We started in the mommy-and-me program and now they're both swimming independently with their coaches. Each time they complete a level they receive a ribbon reflecting their swimming abilities; tadpole, fish, jelly fish. These meant nothing to me or to my kids when they were tiny, but now that my daughter is four-years-old and my son is three-years-old, the ribbons have come to have some significance for them.

Today my daughter advanced a level and received her ribbon. When I met her in the shower she had a gleaming smile on her face and was holding her ribbon up for me to see. I hooted and let out some "woo-hoo's!" I had the camera ready and snapped away. When Mateo finished his class he met us in the shower area and squealed loudly and with glee upon seeing his sister's accomplishment. I gave Camila some high-fives and Mateo started screaming "You look beautiful sister! You look beautiful!" We were in a celebratory mood.

I turned, still smiling, and met some very disapproving eyes. Apparently some of the other parents thought our much-a-do about a ribbon was inappropriate or in bad taste. The same thing happened last week when Mateo advanced a level -- the hooting, squealing, and the disapproving eyes...

For me it's really important to teach my children to be grateful. Every day we list people and things for which we are grateful. Today they gave thanks for daddy, clean water, each other, our friends, for all of their toys, and for me. And I believe celebrating falls right in like with being grateful.

So we celebrate the usual things; birthdays, Christmas, the 4th of July, Thanksgiving. But we also celebrate small victories like cavity-free dental exams and yes, ribbons. I think it teaches them to enjoy life and builds their self-esteem through important, personal achievements. It also helps them celebrate each other, bringing them closer together.

My children didn't notice the dirty looks we (I) got and I'm glad. They were too immersed in their joyful celebration. We went to lunch with daddy to celebrate, and when Mateo asked Camila "Sister, do you feel very good about yourself?" and she answered "Of course, I feel very good about myself brother because now I'm an octopus!", I felt pride swelling in my heart, not for the ribbon, but for the two amazing people I have the honor to parent.

And it's true, now we've got two octopuses in our family. That's two healthy little people who can listen, follow directions, hold their breath, stay in position, receive correction and criticism and get themselves out of the pool if they ever fall in. And that is much to celebrate about my friends. Woohoo!

Sometimes the Best Thing to Do Is Nothing

Tuesday was a rough day. It was the third day Camila woke up on the left side of the bed, with the wrong foot, upside down and backwards. Everything was wrong; she didn't want daddy to dress her but me. She cried when I put on her t-shirt "I don't want short sleeves, I want a long sleeves!" She cried some more when I told her she could change. She put on a long-sleeved shirt and pushed the sleeves all the way up to her biceps. The fork was the wrong color. The plate was the wrong material, her seat belt didn't feel right... 


I took her and her brother to a local theme park for a change of scenery and some fun... I thought. But Camila was still in a bad mood. She didn't want to get on the rides, pet the animals, wait in line, or let anyone else have fun. I kept my cool for about three hours. Then... it's so hard to stay calm and not lose my patience when I have four consecutive days like this! 


But the other day I read this quote by Tony Humphries; "They're not trying to make life difficult for you, they are only trying to show you how difficult it is for them." ‎I kept reminding myself of this all day. It's not about me, it's about them. 




But... "something must be wrong", I think to myself. I have to do something. I give extra hugs, extra attention, gently ask "what's wrong?" The crying, whining and annoyance doesn't subside. So I do the opposite -- give her space, walk away, tell her it's okay to cry in her bedroom. Nothing. Actually, more tears and screaming. 


I went to bed feeling bad that night. For hours I rattled my brain wondering what I did wrong, how I could do better... Then, yesterday, I tried something new; Camila started to have a fit because I brushed her hair in the bathroom instead of in the living room (a preference she apparently developed this morning), and I felt my shoulders climbing up my neck and my breathing getting shallow. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and knelt next to my daughter. I was going to say something but instead I just looked at her and put my hand on her leg. She stopped (fake) crying for a second and then resumed. I kept my hand on her leg and said nothing. A minute passed and she turned to look at me, stared and grunted. I said nothing but tried my hardest to project nothing but love. "Mommy?" She sat up and stared at me with big round eyes. I said, "I love you." She looked down, stood up and waited. "I love you," I repeated. "Do you want a hug?" She nodded yes and hugged me. I allowed her to control the length and strength of our embrace. She pulled back and said the most surprising thing, "I love you mommy. I'm not going to fight with you anymore." 

Today she said "Mommy, I know how much you love me." I asked, "You do? How do you know?" And in her usual brilliance and amazing understanding of herself and life, she responded, "I know with all of my voice!" And it turns out that sometimes there is nothing for me to do but stop, sit in silence and wait. And in that silence she feels heard and feels all of my love. 

The Dream is a Reality

I was so excited to hear that the Dream Act passed in California! This bill will allow California high school graduates who have no legal documentation, to attend college and apply for financial aid. This is a great step in the right direction -- more college graduates means more productivity, more creativity, more safety and more financial stability for our state. 

As we have more college graduates we will have more small businesses and more job creation -- something California is in dire need of with a 12.1% unemployment rate. Giving bright high school students the chance to attend universities and colleges will give them the opportunity to create, innovate, and help California remain the eighth largest economy in the world. 

I don't understand why there are people who would rather create a second-class citizen who has fewer rights and options. A second-class citizen who cannot contribute fully to society. I don't want to live in a place where youth is angry because they are being punished for their parents' actions, retaliating through violence or becoming a true burden on society because they are unemployable. 

The Dream Act tells elementary, junior and high school students that there is hope, that they have options. Despite their parents bringing them to this country without their knowledge or consent, they can make something of themselves and contribute to our society. This is a far different message from what these undocumented students received before -- what was the point of studying and doing well if they could not attend college and have successful careers? 

As long as they are not criminals; gangsters, violent offenders, drug dealers -- in some way a detriment to our society, why not let them be an asset? 

Some argue that the Dream Act will encourage people to cross our borders illegally. What these people fail to see is that the parents who brought their children here illegally didn't expect their children to be able to attend college. They came anyway and they would continue coming because a lack of college education is the least of their concerns. People risk their lives and the lives of their children to come into this country because staying where they were would be a certain death for them all. Their children would literally starve, suffer and die if they didn't come here. 

People come to the U.S. and will continue to come here even if no services are provided for them or their children. What brings them are jobs and what keeps them here are jobs. In Mexico, 47.4% of the population lives in poverty, according to a report by the Government of National Assessment of Social Policy Development. In Guatemala, 75% of the population lives in poverty, 58% in extreme poverty, according to The World Bank. And according to The World Bank, 20 percent of Nicaragua's population, "fall below the extreme poverty line and are food poor; that is, they cannot meet the daily minimum caloric requirement even if they were to devote all of their consumption to food." Really, a college education is probably amongst the last things on these parents' minds. 

In the end it doesn't really matter how these students came to be here. What matters is that we give them a place to go and a way to make our state and our nation better through continued hard work and dedication. The Dream Act will allow them to achieve this. 

It All Makes Sense Now!

Last week I was at the park with my children enjoying a beautiful day. Most of the children present were young -- under five-years-old. There is a tall structure at this park and a lot of the children were climbing it. Every time one of them climbed up us moms did a little coaching, a little warning -- "One at a time! Be careful!" A few moms walked closer to the structure to be within reach in case their child fell off. All of a sudden five boys around 10-years-old appeared and immediately started climbing the tall structure, two at a time, and jumping off! Again and again they jumped off and landed not on their feet, but on their backs and sides. I just kept thinking "God, please don't let my son ever do something that dumb!" 


I've seen images like those I saw at the park before; boys jumping off roofs, loosing their teeth after skateboarding off a handrail, setting themselves on fire to get a laugh, trying to "surf" on top of a moving car. The thought "How stupid can you be?", always crosses my mind when I see those thing. Why do they do it? It makes no sense to me! Well, it made no sense to me...


However, I recently learned that the prefrontal cortex, located behind our foreheads, and in charge of controlling the ability to differentiate between good and bad, foreseeing future consequences of actions, predicting outcomes, and good social behavior, amongst other duties, is not fully formed until we are well into our 20's. Yes, the area of the brain in charge of decision-making and good judgement, is not fully formed until we reach the age of 25! It all makes now, doesn't it?


Knowing this, I can't think of those boys as dumb anymore. I can't blame them for their immaturity and lack of foresight (how many bones could they have broken jumping off that structure so many times?). Now I know that it truly is just an issue of immaturity based not so much on personality, but on biology. And I also see how much our son will need us to guide him and teach him until he is well past what some parents consider the age where they should stay out of their kids' lives and let them make their own decisions. 


So for now, I will keep reminding them, "One at a time! Be careful!" And hoping (against hope maybe) that my son will never do something so dumb.