How I Got My Kids to Eat

My children are only 11 months apart. Yes, 11 months apart. I had a baby when I had a baby. Even though my daughter started walking at 10 months, she still needed to be carried up and down the stairs and still wanted to be held during the day. My son woke up every hour and a half to nurse for about three weeks and then slowed down to every two hours until he was five months-old. And when they were 1 and 2-years-old they played tag with some illness or another for 4 months straight. It was tough and I sometimes felt like crying and just crumbling to the ground from exhaustion. But the hardest part of being a mom for me is... cooking. Ugh!

You can imagine my frustration when my children refused to eat the foods I painstakingly made and served them -- beautifully served and cut up. 

Now, my husband and I are small and don't believe a chubby baby is necessarily a healthier baby, but my daughter was three-years-old and fluctuated between 18 and 20 pounds, while my son was two-years old and weighted all of 18 pounds! 

I would make eating a game, distract them with toys, music, sometimes even a movie. I would get upset 5 times a day -- breakfast, lunch, dinner and two snacks. And sometimes I would literally stand in my kitchen and cry silently. 

And then... I changed everything! 

First I faked complete and utter lack of interest in whether or not they ate...

Have you ever noticed that we tell our kids what to do all day every day? "Time to get up... time to get dressed... here's what you'll wear... look over there... play with this toy... don't touch that... put it back... come here... time to eat... say hello... wave bye-bye... time to shower... time to nap..." All day. Can you imagine what that must feel like? I would want to scream! Kids, especially very young kids, have very little control over their lives. The only things they can decide are; when to go bathroom, when to fall asleep, and how much and if they'll eat. Yes, that's why across the entire world, getting their children to eat is an issue for moms. It's a power struggle. Especially, especially, when they see us fret and worry and pull all sorts of antics to get them to eat. "Hmm," they think, "I think I've got something here. I have some power after all!" 

So that's what led me to change my M.O. 

My daughter: "I'm not going to eat the chicken mommy."

Old me: "Chicken is good for you, it makes you strong. Have some, just a little bit."

New me: "Okay."

Result: My daughter (and my son) started eating the chicken (or any other food they declared inedible)!

After just a few bites...

My son: "I don't want anymore. No more."

Old me: "Two more bites, just two," as I tried to shove the food in his mouth.

New me: "You're satisfied? Okay."

Result: My son, staring in disbelief, "Maybe I'll have just a little more."

New me: "Okay."

I must warn you, it's really hard to keep your smile tightly tucked away when you see them eating, so prepare yourself. 

I stopped offering them three different meals in one sitting...

If my kids declare they won't eat something because they "don't like it" or say they are done after just a few bites, my response is "Okay. Once you get up from the table mealtime is over." And it really is over. I stopped following them around with food and stopped leaving their plate on the table in hopes they would eat a little more. They got the message after about three times -- once they are up from their seats, mealtime is over until the next meal. We eat sitting down and all at the same time even if we're at a park or at a party. 

The only exception to this is when I make a new dish. I always have a tried and true back-up plan ready. I encourage them to try new dishes but I don't force them. 

I make them feel powerful...

If my kids are eating well and I see that they have just a few more bites and are starting to lose interest, I ask "Are you satisfied?" They always, always look at me with some surprise and say "Yes. I'm all done. I don't want any more mommy." And so they feel they're in control. They feel powerful! 

I serve all food together and let them choose what to eat first...

If I say to my kids "If you eat your chicken I will give you fruit/a cookie/a piece of cake," I'm making those foods more valuable than the chicken and suddenly, in their mind, they have to eat the gross food to get the good food. So I serve it all together and if I don't want them to eat a piece of cake before the nutritious food, then I don't give them a piece of cake at all... or I play the Oh-I-forgot-all-about-the-cake! game and surprise them with a piece. I only do this if they've eaten all the nutritious food and only once in a while so they don't catch on. I don't reward my children with food or for eating. 

I accepted responsibility and gave them responsibility...

My job as a mom is to make tasty, nutritious food for my children, 3-5 times a day. I decide what to cook and when to serve it to them. Their responsibility is to decide if they'll eat and how much. 

If I try to take on their responsibility or they mine, we enter a power struggle. 

The more I let them say "no," the more they say "yes". 

Seriously.

I learned that it's okay to lose...

Sometimes my kids don't eat the chicken, or maybe the broccoli or the fruit I serve them. I'm okay with that now. I want them to like food and not feel as if eating is a chore. I also know that I serve them a balanced diet of protein, fruit, vegetables, dairy, fat, and grains throughout the day and the week so in the end they're getting what they need. 

I know kids have thousands more taste buds than adults so for them flavors explode in their mouths and it can take up to 21 attempts for a child to like a new food. We read Dr.Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham regularly and it helps them understand that it's okay and sometimes beneficial to try new foods. 

I'm happy to say that my daughter, now 4-years-old, weighs 30 lbs., and my three-year-old son weighs 28 lbs. They're still thin, but they're strong, active, happy children who feel safe and powerful enough to say what they like to eat and what they don't like to eat, when they want more food and when they are satisfied. 

On more than one occasion my daughter's preschool teachers mentioned how astonished they were that she is the only child in the entire class to turn down foods like cupcakes or to leave them unfinished. I know it's because in her mind all foods have the same value, so if she's done she's done regardless of what is being offered. And that's what makes it worthwhile to be in the place I least like in the house -- the kitchen. 

(Stay tuned to find out how much a child actually needs to eat.)

Winnie the Pooh

My kids and I love to go to the movies, so I took them to see the new Winnie the Pooh film. We love reading Winnie the Pooh books but had never seen a Pooh movie, so we were excited to see Pooh and his friends in action. We arrived early to get good seats, and settled in.

To my surprise, there were only about 18 kids in the theater; 10 kids under 7 years of age, 7 teenagers sitting in a group and one 9-year-old boy.

My kids really loved the short film before the main feature and I had fun watching too, but, once the Pooh film began, they didn't seem as engaged or interested. My kids have gone to see quite a few films like "Toy Story 3", "Tangled", and even the documentary "Babies" - where there were no speaking parts, and they really seemed more intrigued by those films than by the Pooh movie.

Pooh's play on words used by the characters and the way words were shown as part of a book on the screen were adorable. My kids however didn't seem to get the movie or the storyline. They didn't laugh a single time and they weren't the only ones.

The only people I heard laughing at all the right moments were the 9-year-old boy and his mom. I could hear the boy repeating the jokes and laughing at what the characters were doing. I heard some parents laugh a few times and I laughed a few times too.

The movie was really slow and I actually felt sleepy for the first time in my life while in a movie theater! Rotten Tomatoes gave the film a 90% but I think young children would give it a much lower score.

Despite its slow pace, Pooh was a really cute movie but not for toddlers. I think kids between 8 and 12 would probably really like the it and be able to pick up on silly misspellings and on the message being conveyed. If, like me, your children are on the younger end of the spectrum, I'd save my money for another movie theater experience.

Staying Afloat

In yesterday's blog I shared some statistics about drownings. They are scary facts but drownings are not inevitable. There are many things we can do to prevent such a tragedy...

• The most important thing we can do is be in the pool with our children. If it's a kiddie pool then we can be within arm's reach in case they slip or lose their balance.

• I've seen parents put arm floats or vests on their young kids and let them swim alone while they watch from outside the pool. I just want to say that these are not meant to keep your kids safe. They are toys.

• A lot of these devices actually create a hazardous situation where children are unable to turn face-up or to move their arms to save themselves. Many are easy to remove by pulling on velcro, or slide off those little arms.

• A child who always gets in the pool with any kind of floating device doesn't know that if they don't have that on they can sink and drown. I prefer never to use these, but if you love them, be sure to always bring them into the pool without them and take them off a few minutes before they get out. That way they understand that they should never get in the pool by themselves. 
• If most children who drown are in the company of one or both parents at the time they drown it means there are probably distractions present. Bring a phone to the pool with you to dial 911 in case of an emergency... not to check e-mail, chat with friends or surf the web. 

• Also, designate a person to watch the children in the pool. Many times, when there are a lot of adults present, each thinks someone else is watching the kids. 

• Enrolling children in swimming lessons will teach them not only how to swim, but also how to get out of the pool in case they fall in, how to float face-up, and that they should never ever get in the pool without an adult. 

• Most children drown in residential pools, were last seen in the home, and had been out of sight less than 5 minutes. A four-foot, four-sided fence with a self-latching mechanism can prevent children from wandering into an unsupervised pool. 

• A child can drown in as little as 2 inches of water. Keeping plastic and inflatable pools empty and turned upside down when not in use can prevent an accident. 

• My husband and I took a CPR class before our eldest was born and just renewed our certification this year -- we want to be prepared in case of an emergency. You can find classes through your local chapter of the American Red Cross; http://xrl.us/bk2gy4. 

Taking these precautions gives us peace of mind and allows us to enjoy the laughter and joy children express when they are swimming in the sun! Have fun!