The Weight of the World

Last night I heard one of the most profound things I've heard since I became a mom almost five years ago. It was the last evening of my 10-week parenting class and it was my instructor, Chris Glover, who spoke the words that have changed the way I see my role and job as a parent; "When you are raising your children you are also raising your grandchildren and great grandchildren." Take that in for a minute. Let the weight of that fall on your shoulders. 


The gravity and the truth of that statement hit me hard and almost took my breath away. Because it is true, isn't it? There is no manual on how to raise children, the only training we get is from our parents so we tend to raise our children the way our parents raised us. That's how traditions and customs are passed down from generation to generation. That's also how parenting... mistakes are passed on. 

We love our children with all our might; kiss them, hug them, sing and read to them, tell them how proud of them we are. We teach them the values our parents taught us, teach them the importance of education, hard work. Just like our parents did with us. We also lose our patience, forget they're just children, scream, and sometimes spank. Just like our parents did. And if we fail to correct those mistakes, those things will be passed down to future generations just like a dance, a story, a celebration. 

Now I realize that I am not just raising my children. I am raising their children as well. What I do now when my daughter cries for no reason, when my son disobeys me time and again, how I respond to their needs and demands, will have repercussions on generations to come. That's a heavy load to bear, I know, but having seen the truth I can't pretend to be blind to it. The weight of the future and the world is on our shoulders, each of us as parents. 

My husband Carlos, a loving daddy and husband. 

Thumb Guard Failure

I blogged about Camila's life-long thumb-sucking habit last November. After trying several things to get her to stop sucking her thumb we had finally reached the point of desperation. We bought the ThumbGuard and hoped it was $75 well spent.

The first night we opened it we let Camila look at it, examine it, try it out and play with it a little bit. We gave her the option of wearing it that night or the following night. Not surprisingly, she opted to wait a day. But the following night she let us put it on and kept it on all night. It went like that for about five nights. We thought we were on our way, the seventy-five dollar investment had saved us thousands of dollars in orthodontist bills years from now!

Then she woke up without it. She had squirmed her thin little hand and fingers out of the "guard". That night we made it a little tighter but the following morning she had a mark all around her delicate hand, so we loosened it again and explained to her that she should leave it on. She didn't laugh in our faces at that very moment, but I know she laughed because the next morning she woke with with a huge grin on her face and no thumb guard. In the meantime, she had started sucking her thumb all day long. Our efforts to stop her thumb-sucking had again driven her to suck it even more!

Talking about it didn't work, the evil-tasting Mavala Stop didn't work and the ThumbGuard didn't work. We've lost. Parents zero, Camila 1 and as I look into the future I push this image away:

Yes, the very troubled Amy Winehouse was a thumb-sucker.

So what does a mom do when the child wins? She pretends the ball is still in her court; "Camila, you know what I realized? I noticed you really don't like this thumb guard and it's okay if you don't want to wear it anymore... and you know what? I know you're a strong girl and when you're ready you'll stop sucking your thumb. I know when you choose to stop you'll be able to do it all on your own!" She looked at me with wide-open eyes. She wasn't on to me. "Okay!" She kissed me, ran to the couch and sat down, thumb firmly in her mouth.

It's been a month and the thumb-sucking has not ceased. Nor do I think it will. I'm considering a new strategy -- encouraging her to suck her thumb. Maybe even enforcing it at all times...

So I'm open to suggestions, ideas, proven methods. I just don't want her picture to end up on this adult thumb-sucking web site: http://www.thumbsuckingadults.com/mytsMainPhotoIndex.htm. Seriously, I'm begging.

Image credits: https://www.google.com/search?q=girl+sucking+thumb&hl=en&prmd=imvns&source=lnms&tbm=isch&ei=63QxT-SWEtPYiQKr87mwAw&sa=X&oi=mode_link&ct=mode&cd=2&ved=0CBcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1066&bih=529

This Holiday Season Empower You Children To Say No

Holidays are a time when we see a lot of family and friends -- people who are happy to see our beautiful, growing children. People who are excited to meet them for the first time and people who are thrilled to see the smallest family members again. The scene is typical; outstretched arms, little cheeks being pinched, lots of requests for kisses, bellies rubbed and tickled... it's the perfect time to teach our children about setting boundaries with their bodies, a to begin an inoculation of sorts against molestation. 

Yes, the holidays are perfect time for a child to practice saying "no." As in "No, I don't want to kiss her... No, I don't want to sit on his lap... No, I don't want to be tickled anymore." We all want to protect our children from being molested. If you are like me, you talk to your children about not letting people touch their private parts and not touching people's genitals. I also role-play with my children, but nothing prepares us for life better than life itself. Having the opportunity to stand before an adult or another child and say "no" is a great experience for children. Most importantly, being respected by adults, rather than ignored and forced to give kisses, hugs, or be passed from lap to lap, teaches a child that his/her boundaries must be respected. It empowers them and builds a trusting relationship between a parent and child where the child knows mom and dad will back them up, support them and stand by them even when their "no" is embarrassing or uncomfortable for others. 

I can tell you from personal experience that this approach will not make you popular. I've heard it all "You should teach them to be polite... You let them get away with being rude... I can't believe they won't give me just one kiss!" When these comments come as I pull my child away from an overpowering (though loving) family member, I pretend I'm made of Teflon and just let the words slide right off. My children are not brats, they just know they can say no to anyone, any time, and that my husband and I will always support them and stand up for them. 

It surprises me how many contradicting messages we send children in our society. We tell them not to let anyone touch areas covered by clothes, but then we do exactly that; a gymnastics teacher putting a stamp on a child's belly, a swim coach tickling a tummy or an acquaintance lifting a child onto their shoulders. As parents it's important that we stay on top of things and not let down our guard. When I say "No, please don't put a stamp on her belly... Please don't tickle his stomach," people are taken aback and I get the "wow, what-a-crazy-lady" look. But I know I'm empowering my children, teaching them to say no and protect themselves. 

So this holiday season don't send your children mixed messages. Don't force them to kiss anyone, hug anyone, sit on any one's lap. Give your children the best Christmas gift you can give them -- the first of many vaccines against being sexual abuse. Let them say no. 

 

Born To Be Wild

My husband and I recently took our children, Camila (4) and Mateo (3), to see their first IMAX movie, Born To Be Wild. We sat at the very top so we wouldn't injure our necks looking up and that decision resulted in one of the most adorable questions from my son once the movie began; "Mommy, are we inside the movie?" For the remainder of the film he and his sister asked, "Where are we going now?", every time there was a scenery transition. These questions from my children encompass their innocence, vulnerability and ability to just believe and be in the present -- I love any experience that reminds me that I have much to learn from my kids.

Born To Be Wild is the story of two women, one in Africa and the other in Indonesia, who have dedicated their lives to saving orphaned elephants and orphaned orangutans respectively. We meet the teams of people who support their work by actually living with these animals and caring for them twenty-four hours a day.

You know how they often use the word heartwarming to describe a film and it can mean little or nothing at times? Well, this movie truly is heartwarming. I was moved and inspired by the humanity shown to these animals and by how very similar their needs are to ours. I am not one to equate humans with animals, but this movie really captures why every being should be respected and valued. Though we are different from them, our needs and our journeys are quite similar. My children even self-identified with the orangutans; Camila said she was the one who ate the soap while bathing, and Mateo said he was the little one sitting in a woven basket.

The film is narrated by Morgan Freeman and the IMAX screen truly swallows you into the amazing jungles of Indonesia and the unforgiving African terrain. My children were mesmerized the entire forty minutes and have not stopped talking about it. I was truly astonished by the dedication and love demonstrated by the people who rescue, rehabilitate and prepare these animals to return to the wild with a greater chance of survival. And just like we can learn from small children, we can learn from these elephants and orangutans how to relate, love and empathize with each other.

Amazing, inspiring and moving. A must-see for the whole family!


Official movie site: http://www.imax.com/borntobewild/

Arthur Christmas - Movie Review

One of my favorite family traditions is going to the movies the day after Thanksgiving. This year I watched Arthur Christmas with my mom, my sister, my husband and my children, Camila (4) and Mateo (3).

I must say, when I saw the previews I didn't have the slightest interest in the film. We went to see it because the show time worked with the kids' schedule. To my surprise, I loved it from beginning to end. Actually, the beginning was my favorite part -- I found it to be creative and exciting, reminding me a lot of movies like Mission Impossible.

The story is realistic... I know what you're thinking, "It's about Santa Claus and elves Karla!" But I allowed myself to be immersed in the movie and chose to believe in Santa Claus for the duration of the film. The family dynamic was credible and the characters were developed enough for us to be cheering for certain ones. Plus, after watching how Santa and the elves deliver all those gifts at the beginning, it really all makes sense!

The theater was packed with adults and children of all ages. Throughout the movie there was a lot of laughter coming from the adults and the movie was dynamic enough to keep the children entertained. (There wasn't a bunch of walk-outs like I saw during Cars 2). I'm really good at figuring out the mystery or the punch line in a movie, but this one kept me guessing till the end and almost made me cry. Almost.

I definitely recommend this movie -- it's one both you and your children will enjoy!

Official movie site link: http://www.arthurchristmas.com/

I've Decided to Stop Poisoning My Family

Yes, I was poisoning my family. Isn't that horrible?


When my husband and I got married we bought a nice set of pans at Macy's. We didn't know anything about cooking so we were led by brand, appearance and price figuring the more expensive, the better the pans. Since we didn't know hot to cook we figured we should go with ease and chose the non-stick pans. Little did I know we had started poisoning ourselves. See, at high temperatures, non-stick cookware releases PFOA's, a toxic chemical that is a carcinogen linked to low birth weights. 


I hate cooking, but when my daughter was born I started cooking a lot more and simultaneously learned all about the evils of non-stick cookware, threw them out, and bought a set of stainless steel pots and pans. The next morning, when I made... tried to make scrambled eggs I almost cried. One of the few things I'd always known how to cook just right, was all stuck to the pan. I washed it and tried again. Same result. For a week I tried the stainless steel pans, even "treating" them with oil salt and whatever else the Internet said. After a month and a lot of frustration I went to Costco and bought a new set of non-stick pans. Ahhh, the sweet relief of scrambled eggs sliding right off that pan! 


I used those new non-stick pans for four years. I cooked delicious (okay, acceptable) meals for my husband and my children, feeling pangs of guilt that didn't allow me to fully enjoy our meals... Was I making my child infertile or giving them Cancer with those meals? 


But I have corrected course -- two weeks ago I purchased a set of Green Earth Pans...

These pans by Ozeri Ceramic, though non-stick, don't contain PFOA's or any other toxic chemicals. 


I've been using the pans for a week and so far I love them. Being careful never use metal utensils on them so as not to scratch them, I can make scrambled eggs, pancakes and crepes without any of it sticking. Yay! Cleaning the ceramic surface is super easy too! 


I still don't enjoy cooking, but I can finally enjoy watching my family eat! 

http://www.amazon.com/Frying-Ozeri-Ceramic-Non-Stick-Coating/dp/B004AMUELO

Thumb-Sucker!

One of the most beautiful memories for me is that of my daughter, a tiny baby with a mop of shiny black hair, sucking her thumb in her seemingly giant crib. I have to thank that little thumb for helping my Camila be such a good sleeper. She has always be able to soothe herself to sleep because of that thumb.

That now calloused thumb is causing some serious problems now that Camila is four-years-old though. For a year her dentist has been telling me she has to stop sucking her thumb. We started off talking about it with her, "Honey, the dentist says it's important for you to stop sucking your thumb. It's bad for your teeth." Each time she sucked her thumb we reminded her gently, "Camila, your thumb honey." For some strange reason, this gentle approach worsened the situation. While she only sucked her thumb at nap and night time before we started telling her to stop, after our conversation, she started sucking her thumb during the day.

Six months later her dentist recommended Mavala Stop -- I call it truth serum because it's potent and disgusting enough to make you confess all your secrets. I know because as a loving mom (and evil wife my husband would say), I put a drop of the stuff on my tongue and on my husband's tongue before brushing it on Camila's nails like the dentist suggested. The result? Instant tears and gagging which lasted for four days (seriously) because the flavor reappeared any time we put food in our mouths. Still, as a strict and committed mom, I went ahead and put the awful stuff on Camila's nails while she was sleeping. The result? More tears... from me. I couldn't help it. I watched my unsuspecting little girl gag and examine her thumb again and again, never giving up and eventually sucking all the evil taste off her nail. I cried of guilt and pity. But her dentists was clear, her teeth were being pulled forward and out by her thumb sucking. So I brushed on some more Mavala Stop on her nails only to see her suck it right off, this time knowingly and determined.

My husband and I both sucked our thumb until we were four or five-years-old and our moms swear we stopped on our own. Our teeth are fine -- my are perfectly straight actually. So I put away the Mavala Stop. If Camila is so determined, and so in need of that thumb to soothe herself, who are we to get in the way? "She'll stop eventually" I said to my husband, as images of that thirty-something guest on the Dr.Phil show asking "is this normal?" while she sucked her thumb in her corporate office flashed through my mind and bit of doubt entered me.

That was almost a year ago. When we visited her dentist again las month, the news was really bad. Her teeth are crooked and her jaw is actually sliding to the right because of the strong suction she uses to suck her thumb at night. Yikes! She has to stop, the dentist warns. "If not, we'll have to put in an implant on the back of her front teeth that will prevent her from sucking her thumb." Double yikes!

So today I ordered this device:

It's not cheap, almost $75, and to be honest I am weary of the design and effectiveness. How bad can thumb-sucking be really? She probably would stop on her own at some point... But I have to trust her dentist.

I know I'll probably cry watching her unable to suck her little thumb, unable to soothe herself the best way she knows how. And I have a terrible feeling I'll be getting some middle-of-the-night calls from her. But I want her to have nice teeth and to be able to bite off and chew her food. So we'll see how this goes... it's better than oral surgery.